This isn’t going to be a post about beauty standards and how I feel compelled to live up to them (which I do but that will be another post). No, this post is about how I hid myself behind makeup. I don’t have great skin, but it isn’t awful either. Every girl has been told the courtesy, “You don’t need makeup,” by a lover, friend, or family member. I have been told that a few times, but the one time that sticks out to me is when I responded with no hesitation, “Nobody has actually seen my true face for at least three years.”
That’s when it actually hit me.
I was wearing a mask. I had been wearing a mask in front of my friends and family.
I was hiding.
I wasn’t wearing makeup because I liked the way the highlighter made my cheekbone glow. I wasn’t wearing makeup because my eyebrows looked bomb with a little filling in.
No I would just slap it on just because everyone else was doing it. And the imagery of me slapping it on my face is no exaggeration. For the first few years I tried makeup I didn’t even really look in the mirror. Like I said I just slapped it on.
But now I don’t wear makeup to hide, I wear it to illuminate myself to the world. In a performance the spotlight focuses your attention where the director wants you to look. Well my mascara, eyeshadow, blush, highlight, and contouring are all my spotlights. I am the director of my body and I’m commanding your attention to my face.
I used to wear it to hide my ugly, but now I wear it to spotlight my beauty.